You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
