Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
