I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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