Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
