All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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