the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
