What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
