My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
