I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
