"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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