she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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