doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
