Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
