if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize