I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
two words...techno handjob
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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