I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
