JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
