He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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