So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
