happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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