listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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