i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
