"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
