make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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