the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
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