Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
