I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
