i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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