laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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