oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
