sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
