She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
