Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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