I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
