She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
