I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
