I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
