fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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