Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
