The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My ass is underappreciated
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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