I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
