Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
