You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
