turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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