He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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