If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
