I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
