Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize