You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
