His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
