All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
