its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
