Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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