I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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