Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
