I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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