Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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