He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize