Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
