areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
