my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
