Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
