Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize