1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
