she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize