Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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