i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
