it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize